A NEW DAY
At this moment, I was starting to feel a big weight lifted off my shoulders. After a lot of time thinking if there really was a God, I realized there is. This was in the year of 2013, when I supposedly should have been a graduate and serving. It was at this moment in the month of January that I started my blogging and it became a huge source of therapy for me.
I had an outstanding course to sit for (French, the course I almost got rusticated for allegedly carrying expo). I and my Dad revisited the school again to ensure that they don’t bring up another course or bring up another issue that would affect me graduating and undergoing my NYSC. We sort out the help of point & kill to ensure my sheet was in order and that if there were any courses left out, they should speak up now or forever hold their peace… AS IF?!
She guaranteed us that it was all in order, that I had no problem and that I should just prepare for my exam and come back second semester to write it. I was elated with that. After all she was the only person to say you made it or not, being that she was the HOD for exams& records at that time.
I prepared for my course, came back to write it and passed it well. Passing a carryover course well, like having an A or B as an extra year student in school is totally unnecessary because at the end of the day it doesn’t add squid to your GP all they need is proof that you have passed and process of your NYSC is in order.
As far as I was concerned, all I wanted to do was pass and get out of that environment. I didn’t care for their process; I just wanted to be rid of the school and not owe it anything.
It was at this moment failure hit me. I saw my peers serving and putting it up on social media and it hurt. I longed for it, I wanted it because I knew at that time, I deserved it and I wanted to be happy for them. You know it’s really not easy to be happy for someone who is progressing and you are not. To be honesty glad for them when you know you deserve it too, but you know that you have to be strong for your sanity and for your own turn to reach too, so that at your time of success you’ll see people that will celebrate you. At a point I wanted to be rid of social media, because it was all hitting me all at once, too fast and too quick. I was living but drowning at the same time.
That’s when you’ll see people tracking your graduation progress more that you, asking…“how far? Are you serving now?... Madonna sha… you’ll graduate you hear.”
When all this questions started coming in, both from concerned citizens and spiteful ones, I felt I needed to explain my predicament. I felt they needed to know it was not my fault, I was not a failure, I was not an extra year student because I failed in school and was nonchalant to studies, and they needed to know that I was going to serve in 2013 and not later!
That was why when I called a friend in school to help me check my name on the NYSC board list and she said it wasn’t there, and my Dad called the bank manager to ask what’s happening and why my name wasn’t released, she told my Dad that I needed to come to school because I needed to provide the results for five outstanding papers. I knew the devil wasn’t done with me yet and this battle was still on.
The moment you thought you have finally seen the ray at the end of the tunnel… as you are about to reach that ray of hope, you roll and fall deeper into darkness and that ray that once brought you hope becomes covered by a cork.