JOURNEY TO THE BSC (Blog Series EP17)

It came in a dream

 

Most times, before things happen in the physical, it has already been reflected in the spiritual.  I realized this a long time ago but believed it more now when it came to me in a dream.

I was in exams and records, and point and kill and another person in exams and records, handed me my statement of result after apologizing for what they must have put me through.  I was really excited when I held it in my hands. It was a sign of victory, I had finally succeeded. As I was still smiling over my result which by-the-way, I was very pleased with, someone whom I had never seen before came and tore it out of my hands, that that’s not my result. I started to weep uncontrollably because my name was clearly typed on the sheet and I had never seen this person before. So what right did this person have to come and take my result and tell me it’s not mine and keep moving???  I cried for help, screamed but no one came to my rescue.

I woke up soaked in my own sweat, scared and frightened because even though I refused to believe it I knew what lay ahead. I was not ready for it.

Most people said, well if I had prayed about it, I would have reversed the problem. But like Joseph my dreams came direct, to prepare me for what lay ahead.

I found three of the five courses. Konkwo’s course was too late for anything to be done about it and I had to re-sit it. The last course, the lecturer followed me to sister to explain to her that I passed the course and that there was nothing wrong with it. Point & kill was very adamant that the course is invalid and I had to retake the course. The lecturer stopped trying to convince the ignorant baboon and just advised me to take the course since I had another to write that same semester.

My dad and I went to point & kill to see the situation and after my dad had told her why all this now, that when we came earlier to talk about my sheet she said I had no problem. She immediately denied us, saying she had never met or handled my situation.

Now, Madonna had a way of ridiculing student’s parents and I vowed that I will never let my parents fall into that sect. so when PK denied us, my jaw literally dropped and my dad immediately told us to leave. I felt bad dragging my dad and even worrying my parents. My mum had to stay at home to hold down the fort because she was better home than in Madonna. My mum hates the school and if she had come herself to see the nonsense she would have burst out in anger, possibly worsening my situation.

I fell into a deep state of depression I wanted to be alone above all, I wanted to die. I wanted the death to be so unplanned that I will make it to heaven and not hell. My brother wanted me to write about it on my blog, but I was in so much pain and I didn’t want to write in anger. My sister talked to me often, so that I won’t fall into depression.

The next morning, my dad called me to talk to me about what has been happening so far. Now, since this holocaust started I never cried before my parents. I was always putting up a strong front, I had to show strength. But as my dad called me and started to talk, I couldn’t hold it in any longer.

The tears started flowing freely, I couldn’t hold it any longer, I couldn’t be strong. I just let it all out; the pain I felt, the ridicule it brought me and the fact that I didn’t deserve it and it wasn’t my fault hurt me all the more. But my dad talked to me. He made me realize that no matter what was thrown to me I will still graduate. He made it clear that I have a strong family whatever it is that tried to bring me down, I’ll be though through it. That even though it seems - at the moment- that this is the worst thing that could ever happen to me, that it isn’t, life is coming and with it worse. But I had to show strength by surviving this to be ready for what is coming.

Even though the words hurt because I was in so much pain and I didn’t want to hear anything sensible, I realized one thing. No matter how much pain you feel or struggle you are passing through your parents feel it twice as much. And it’s worse for them because they have no one to run to and have to show strength before you – My mum

As I went to my room, I felt the tears that rolled down my dad’s cheeks that day, I wrote to the only person who I knew understood. Who always listened, who was always there but is no more … and I cried all the more.